THE YELLOW NOTEBOOK

 

18.4.1 She had just confided to me some painful humiliations some Sisters had given her:

It is in this way that God gives me the means of remaining very little; however, this is exactly what is needed. Iím always happy, for I always manage in the midst of the tempest to preserve interior peace.

 

27.5.5 Let no one believe that if I were to be cured it would throw me off my course or destroy my little plans. Not in the least! Age means nothing in the eyes of God, and Iíd manage to remain a little child, even were I to live for a long time.

 

4.6.1 Donít be astonished if I donít appear to you after my death, and if you see nothing extraordinary as a sign of my happiness. You will remember that itís ďmy little wayĒ not to desire to see anything. You know well what Iíve said so often to God, to the angels, and to the saints: My desire is not to see them here on earth.

 

5.6.4 If you find me dead one morning, donít be troubled: it is because Papa, God, will have come to get me. Without a doubt, itís a great grace to receive the sacraments; but when God doesnít allow it, itís good just the same; everything is a grace.

 

7.6.1 Descending the steps leading into the garden, she saw a little white hen under a tree, protecting her little chicks under her wings; some were peeping out from under. Therese stopped, looking at them thoughtfully; after a while, I made a sing that we should go inside. I noticed her eyes were filled with tears, and I said: ďYou are crying!Ē She put her hand over her eyes and cried even more.

I canít explain it just now; Iím too deeply touched.

That evening, in her cell, she told me the following, and there was a heavenly expression on her face.

I cried when I thought how God used this image in order to teach us His tenderness towards us. All through my life, this is what He has done for me! He has hidden me totally under His wings! Earlier in the day, when I was leaving you, I was crying when going to upstairs; I was unable to control myself any longer, and I hastened to our cell. My heart was overflowing with love and gratitude.

 

13.6 I am reminded of a piece of cloth stretched over a frame to be embroidered; then nobody shows up to embroider it! I wait and wait! Itís useless!... However, this isnít really surprising since little children donít know what they want!

Iím saying this because Iím thinking of the little Jesus; He is the one who has stretched me over a frame of sufferings in order to have the pleasure of embroidering me; then He loosens me so that he can go up to heaven and show them His beautiful work.

 

15.6.1 On June 9, I saw very clearly the beacon that was announcing to me heavenís port; but now I no longer see anything. Itís as if my eyes were blindfolded. That day I saw the Thief; at present I no longer see anything at all. What anyone says to me about death no longer penetrates; it slides over me as it would over smooth glass. Itís finished! The hope of death is all used up. Undoubtedly, God does not will that I think of it as I did before I became sick. At that time, this thought was necessary for me and very profitable; I really felt it. But thought was necessary for me and very profitable; I really felt it. But today itís just the contrary. God wills that I abandon myself like a very little child who is not disturbed by what others will do to him.

 

29.6.1 This is what happened: When I was about to die, the little angels made all sorts of beautiful preparations to receive me; but they got tired and fell asleep. Alas! Little children sleep a long time! We donít know when they will get up.

 

5.7.1 I have my weaknesses also, but I rejoice in them. I donít always succeed either in rising above the nothings of this earth; for example, I will be tormented by a foolish thing I said or did. Then I enter into myself, and I say: Alas, Iím at the same place as I was formerly! But I tell myself this with great gentleness and without any sadness! Itís so good to feel that one is weak and little!

 

5.7.3 After looking at a picture representing Our Lord with two little children, the smaller one having climbed up on His lap, the other, standing at His feet, kissing His hand:

Iím this very little one who has climbed up on His lap, who is lifting his little head and is caressing Jesus without any fear. The other little one doesnít please me as much; heís acting like an adult. Heís been told something, and he knows he must have respect for Jesus.

 

7.7.3 This saying of Job: ďAlthough he should kill me, I will trust in himĒ, has fascinated me from my childhood. But it took me a long time before I was established in this degree of abandonment. Now I am there; God has placed me there. He took me into His arms and placed me there.

 

7.7.8 I just saw a little sparrow on the garden wall, waiting patiently for its parents; from time to time, it gave forth its little chirp, calling them to come and give it a mouthful of food. I thought it was like me.

 

10.7.1 Little children are not damned.

 

13.7.2 God will have to carry out my will in heaven because I have never done my own will here on earth.

 

13.7.12 With the virgins we shall be virgins; with the doctors, doctors; with the martyrs, martyrs, because all the saints are our relatives; but those who have followed the way of spiritual childhood will always retain the charms of childhood.

 

13.7.15 God made me always desire what He wanted to give me.

 

15.7.1 I said: ďPerhaps youíll die tomorrow (the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel) after you have received Holy Communion.Ē

Oh, that wouldnít resemble my little way. Would you want me to leave this little way, then, in order to die? Dying after receiving Holy Communion would be too beautiful for me; little souls couldnít imitate this.

 

16.7.6 If God were to say to me: If you die right now, you will have very great glory; if you die at eighty, your glory will not be as great, but it will please Me much more. I wouldnít hesitate to answer: ďMy God, I want to die at eighty, for Iím not seeking my own glory but simply Your pleasure.

The great saints worked for the glory of God, but Iím only a little soul; I work simply for His pleasure, and Iíd be glad to bear the greatest sufferings when this would be for the purpose of making Him smile only once.

 

21.7.2 If God should scold me, even only a little bit, I will not cry. However, if He doesnít scold me at all, if He welcomes me with a smile, Iíll cry.

 

25.7.11 I am like a real little child during my sickness; I donít think of anything; Iím content to go to heaven, and thatís it!

 

3.8.2 I was telling her that she must have had to struggle a lot in order to become perfect:

Oh, itís not that!

And a little later she said:

Sanctity does not consist in this or that practice; it consists in a disposition of heart which makes us humble and little in the arms of God, conscious of our weakness, and confident to the point of audacity in the goodness of our Father.

 

6.8.8 I asked her to explain what she meant by ďremaining a little child before God.Ē She said:

It is to recognise our nothingness, to expect everything from God as a little child expects everything from its father; it is to be disquieted about nothing, and not to be set on gaining our living. Even among the poor, they give the child what is necessary, but as soon as he grows up, his father no longer wants to feed him and says: ďWork now, you can take care of yourself.Ē

It was so as not to hear this that I never wanted to grow up, feeling that I was incapable of making my living, the eternal life of heaven. Iíve always remained little, therefore, having no other occupation but to gather flowers, the flowers of love and sacrifice, and of offering them to God in order to please Him.

To be little is not attributing to oneself the virtues that one practices, believing oneself capable of anything, but to recognise that God places this treasure in the hand of His little child to be used when necessary; but it remains always Godís treasure. Finally, it is not to become discouraged over oneís faults, for children fall often, but they are too little to hurt themselves very much.

 

7.8.4 For example, if I were to say to myself: I have acquired a certain virtue, and I am certain I can practice it. For then, this would be relying upon my own strength, and when we do this, we run the risk of falling into the abyss. However, I will have the right of doing stupid things up until my death, if I am humble and if I remain little. Look at little children: they never stop breaking things, tearing things, falling down, and they do this even while loving their parents very, very much. When I fall in this way, it makes me realise my nothingness more, and I say to myself: What would I do, and what would I become, if I were to rely upon my own strength?

 

8.8.1 I was telling her Iíd make her virtues valued later on; she answered:

Ii is to God alone that all value must be attributed; thereís something of value in my little nothingness.

 

8.8.4 I had great sympathy for persons who served at large banquets. If unfortunately, they let some drops fall on the tablecloth or on one of the guests, I saw the mistress of the house looking at them severely, and then these poor people blushed with shame, and I said to myself, with great interior revulsion: Oh! How this difference that exists here on earth between masters and servants proves so well that there is a heaven where each one will be placed according to his interior merit, where all will be seated at the heavenly Fatherís banquet. But, then, what a Servant we shall have, since Jesus has said: ďHe will come and serve them!Ē This will be the moment for the poor, and especially for the little ones to be recompensed amply for their humiliations.

 

9.8.4 They told her she was a saint:

No, Iím not a saint; Iíve never performed the actions of a saint. Iím a very little soul upon whom God has bestowed graces; thatís what I am. What I say is the truth; youíll see this in heaven.

 

10.8.2 They were saying that souls who reached perfect love like her, saw their beauty, and that she was among their number:

What beauty? I donít see my beauty at all; I see only the graces Iíve received from God. You always misunderstand me; you donít know, then, that Iím only a little seedling, a little almond.

 

11.8.3 I didnít expect to suffer like this; Iím suffering like a little child.

I would never want to ask God for greater sufferings. If He increases them, I will bear them with pleasure and with joy because they will be coming from Him. But Iím too little to have any strength through myself. If I were to ask for sufferings, these would be mine, and I would have to bear them alone, and Iíve never been able to do anything alone.

 

13.8 I was telling her about a thought I had during Compline about heaven:

As for me, I have lights only to see my little nothingness. This does me more good than all the lights on the faith.

 

18.8.5 Since they say that all souls are tempted by the devil at the moment of death, Iíll have to pass this way, too. But perhaps not, Iím too little. With the very little, he cannot do anything.

 

26.8.3 I was telling her that she was made to suffer much, that her souls was tempered for it:

Ah! To suffer in my soul, yes, I can suffer much... But as to suffering of body, Iím like a little child, very little. Iím without any thought, I suffer from minute to minute.

 

25.9.1 As far as little ones are concerned, they will be judged with great gentleness. And one can remain little, even in the most formidable offices, even when living for a long time. If I were to die at the age of eighty, if I were in China, anywhere, I would still die, I feel, as little as I am today. And it is written: ďAt the end, the Lord will raise up to save the gentle and the humble of the earth.Ē It doesnít say ďto judgeĒ, but ďto saveĒ.

 

ADDITIONAL CONVERSATIONS

July I was asking her about the ďwayĒ she wanted to teach to souls after her death:

Mother, itís the way of spiritual childhood, itís the way of confidence and total abandon. I want to teach them the little means that have so perfectly succeeded with me, to tell them there is only one thing to do here on earth: to cast at Jesus the flowers of little sacrifices, to take Him by caresses; this is the way Iíve taken Him, and itís for this that I shall be so well received.